Sleep did not come. I crawled out of bed for an early jog. My swimming lesson was cancelled for the entire week. I lost my appetite. I could not get you off my mind so I went to Baclaran Church.
I let my guards down, vulnerability crept in and tears automatically rolled down my cheeks. I prayed in between sobs. I narrated to God what happened to “us” like a kid summoning for an ally. I revealed my fears, asked for help and pleaded for strength. I stayed for an hour until I felt the slightest amount of pain burst free out of my chest.
On my way out, I thought of a crazy idea. I looked for a fortune teller! Outside the church, there was a woman with a cardboard on her lap stating “manghuhula”. For 100 pesos, she laid out her tarot cards. She asked me to pick one card, which according to her is a lucky card. She laid more cards and said:
Magkakaroon ka ng magandang trabaho
Magkakapera ka, Swerte ka sa pera
Mag aabroad ka
She stopped and asked me if I have a job or applying overseas. I said none. I did not disclose my job offer which I already accepted earlier that day nor did I share the onshore assignment. But these 3 things she randomly repeated for about 5 to 7 times during the entire session.
She continued reading the cards;
May nagkakagusto sayo
May nagmamahal sayo
May nag-iisip sayo araw-gabi
Mabait kang tao
She paused and asked me if I have a boyfriend. I told her my bf broke up with me last year. She resumed reading the cards and said,
May lalaking nagkakagusto sayo
Kaso pag minahal mo sya, mawawala sya sayo
Mabait ka pero masama kang magalit
Makakabili ka ng bahay mo
When the cards were all laid down the table, she offered for palm reading. I refused. I already given up one - tall mocha frap for this session. Before I leave, she uttered “Miss, alisin mo ang malas sa pag ibig”.
Back home, I had given her foretelling some thought. I disagree in the love life aspect. Absence of a boy friend doesn’t mean I am hapless. It means I am clever enough to wait for the time I have healed and let go. It means I am sensible enough not to jump into another commitment when I am still dealing with emotional baggage. It means I am prudent enough to wait for “the one” and not hasty to settle to “the next one” available.
Although the portion where Madame predicted that I cannot love back a person, I initially assumed it is because I love too much and that drives guys away. A good friend’s interpretation was I could not love ex any further because he’s leaving. But what shook me was my sister’s version which was if I love back, that person is going to die. Ugh!
That moment, I knew I am desperately in need of some sort of assurance that my tomorrow would be a little better no matter how silly this sounds. In the end, it is definitely my choice to believe in the good predictions and to pray more for the unpleasant ones.
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