Since my "the feast" buddies aren't available, I decided to attend alone this weekly prayer gathering of the Light of Jesus family. I chose the vacant area at the back so I do not have to deal with uncomfortable stares of my seatmates when asked to greet/speak to each other.
The topic is about detoxifying ill feelings. Obviously, this is something I really need to hear right now. During the prayer meeting, just when I decided it's time to start letting go of the expired anger and pain in my heart(by the way, "ex" is going to Dubai and such idea made me sick), Bro. Bo asked to hug somebody beside us and to tell that person he/she is amazing! I just bowed my head since chairs on both sides were empty. When I opened my eyes, a lady standing 4 seats from where I stood approached me, smiled at me and whispered "I think you also need a hug".
She embraced me tightly and I hugged her back. We did not get to tell the words. But even without it, the lady's generosity for hugs made me feel really amazing!
Could this be an affirmation from God that today is the best time to release all the overdue aches in my heart?
Perhaps,it is! And to that wonderful lady, thank you for hugging that tiny little girl wearing pink and faded blue jeans. Thank you so much!
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Friday, February 14, 2014
Letter to 32-Year Old Me
You are now 32. Yey!
You have at least 3 out of the country trips and have completed 30 points in the Top 38 Tourist Attraction in the Philippines, a Must See before You Die
You have taken your parents to Boracay for vacation.
You have reached your 6-digit salary goal.
You have 300K in your bank account.
You have a feasibility study of your future business.
If you ever miss one of these, or miss all of these, remember it is okay. Do not be hard on yourself. I know you are close to achieving these. But there are other things I would like to see in you 3 years from now.
I hope time has taught you to forgive yourself and those who wronged you. I hope 3 years have been enough for you to learn how to let go. I hope you have found in your heart the importance of loving and respecting yourself first. I hope you have summoned all your courage to share your love to someone special. I know you have so much love to give so do not be afraid. Or if he hasn't arrived yet, I hope you are now ready to give and receive love. Just be patient.
I hope your smile is no longer forced. It is now genuine. Your eyes is no longer weary. It is now radiant. Your heart is no longer bleeding. It is now loving.
And if there is one thing I pray time has not changed you, it is your belief in love. No matter what happens, I am very proud of you. I love you.
From 29-Year Old Me
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Sand, Surf, Baler = FUN!
I and two of my friends went to Genesis Cubao Station at around 4:00 am. Unluckily, we needed to transfer to another bus. We got there at around 2:00 pm just in time for us to check in at Aliyah Surf Camp. After a long ride, it was so refreshing to hear the crashing sound of the waves.
Aliyah Surf Camp at Night
Kuya Leo, our tricycle driver who drove us to Aliyah Surf Camp offered us a tour the next day for 800 pesos, which is the standard rate.
Among the spots he drove us to were:
Century Old Balete Tree
You can climb the tree up to about 40 ft high. But since I am acrophobic, I then decided to stay on the ground while my two friends climb.
Mother Falls
It was a 20-minute trek going to Mother Falls. But the trail was really easy.
The water was freezing cold, but we still took a plunge!
Kuya Leo was helpful enough to assist us in transferring all our stuff from Aliyah Surf Camp to Bay's Inn, then we continued with the tour. Next stop was an "eat-all you can" lunch for only 185 pesos at Gerry Shan's Place. I love their sisig!
Diguisit Rock Formation
Tried the water and it was pretty warm.
We also dropped by Diguisit Falls, Ermita Hill, Baler Church, Dona Aurora Quezon House and Baler Museum.
On our third day, we braved the big waves.
After all the effort to balance myself on top of the board as it glides along the splashing waves, the times I immersed and drunk salt water, and share of scratches and wounds, being able to stand on my surfboard for a very brief moment made it all worth it!
Aliyah Surf Camp at Night
Kuya Leo, our tricycle driver who drove us to Aliyah Surf Camp offered us a tour the next day for 800 pesos, which is the standard rate.
Among the spots he drove us to were:
Century Old Balete Tree
You can climb the tree up to about 40 ft high. But since I am acrophobic, I then decided to stay on the ground while my two friends climb.
Mother Falls
It was a 20-minute trek going to Mother Falls. But the trail was really easy.
The water was freezing cold, but we still took a plunge!
Kuya Leo was helpful enough to assist us in transferring all our stuff from Aliyah Surf Camp to Bay's Inn, then we continued with the tour. Next stop was an "eat-all you can" lunch for only 185 pesos at Gerry Shan's Place. I love their sisig!
Diguisit Rock Formation
Tried the water and it was pretty warm.
We also dropped by Diguisit Falls, Ermita Hill, Baler Church, Dona Aurora Quezon House and Baler Museum.
On our third day, we braved the big waves.
After all the effort to balance myself on top of the board as it glides along the splashing waves, the times I immersed and drunk salt water, and share of scratches and wounds, being able to stand on my surfboard for a very brief moment made it all worth it!
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Been a Year and I will be Awesome!
I haven't updated my blog since May. Just to breeze thru how the 2nd half of 2013 went, here it goes:
June: If tears can be sold, I will be a certified big time millionaire!
July: I agreed to meet him because he needs his bag. I was a fool to assume he misses me and getting the bag I borrowed from him was just an alibi to see me. Crazy me. He sent a few text messages though. However, if “Im really sorry” or “Can I see you and talk?” or “How can I make it up to you?” or “Let me explain” or “Lets work things out” were the messages I was hoping to receive, then everything else did not matter. I cannot press the Send button and pretend I am doing just fine.
August: Worked my ass out. The tiniest bit of time I could spare for myself was only spent dreaming/crying about him.
September: Went to Camiguin-Cagayan de Oro, Bukidnon and Iligan. Wondering if I remembered him before, during and after the trip - Big YES! Days before the trip, I even asked him if he wanted to come. Guess I am getting used to being rejected all the time.
At Mantigue Island, Camiguin
At Dahilayan Forest Park, Bukidnon
White Water Rafting, Cagayan de Oro
At Maria Cristina Falls, Iligan
October: Attended a wedding and felt crushed upon realizing it would never happen to me.
November: Texted him to remember rainday. He ignored it. I went to Boracay and was stranded due to typhoon Yolanda. Had fun but a part of me longs for a simple sms message from him checking if I am alright. Well, you know the answer.
December: Finally, he invited me to catch a movie. I said yes! He never followed up. I waited 3 weeks. I should have known it was only an empty invitation. He managed to greet me on Christmas, one of those messages that you forward to all.
January: No text for New Year. He greeted me a day before my birthday, not the day itself. I realized he did this not because he wanted to show he remembers, but only to ask how to get those airfare promos.
It’s been a year. You know the pain when he is just around the area and he never paid you a visit? Should a 1 minute call be that expensive to show a person how much you care? Should “hi, can we talk because you deserve an explanation” make you less of a man?
All year round I was praying for such moment when he can make me fully understand what happened to us.
I used to think I will never give up on him, on us. But then maybe a minute call or a simple conversation is too much for a person who no longer cares. His friend told me he has completely moved on. It sucks because I haven’t. 2013 was a tough year for me. I have deprived myself from being happy because I was too busy torturing my heart and sabotaging my career for someone who would never love me back.
I cannot afford to lose another year for him. So now I declare - 2014 will be great! I want to be that girl who is confident, independent, free-spirited, driven, happy go lucky and who doesn’t give a damn to all men -that same girl before we become a couple. I will be that awesome girl again! Step by step. One at a time. I will be that girl!
June: If tears can be sold, I will be a certified big time millionaire!
July: I agreed to meet him because he needs his bag. I was a fool to assume he misses me and getting the bag I borrowed from him was just an alibi to see me. Crazy me. He sent a few text messages though. However, if “Im really sorry” or “Can I see you and talk?” or “How can I make it up to you?” or “Let me explain” or “Lets work things out” were the messages I was hoping to receive, then everything else did not matter. I cannot press the Send button and pretend I am doing just fine.
August: Worked my ass out. The tiniest bit of time I could spare for myself was only spent dreaming/crying about him.
September: Went to Camiguin-Cagayan de Oro, Bukidnon and Iligan. Wondering if I remembered him before, during and after the trip - Big YES! Days before the trip, I even asked him if he wanted to come. Guess I am getting used to being rejected all the time.
At Mantigue Island, Camiguin
At Dahilayan Forest Park, Bukidnon
White Water Rafting, Cagayan de Oro
At Maria Cristina Falls, Iligan
October: Attended a wedding and felt crushed upon realizing it would never happen to me.
November: Texted him to remember rainday. He ignored it. I went to Boracay and was stranded due to typhoon Yolanda. Had fun but a part of me longs for a simple sms message from him checking if I am alright. Well, you know the answer.
January: No text for New Year. He greeted me a day before my birthday, not the day itself. I realized he did this not because he wanted to show he remembers, but only to ask how to get those airfare promos.
It’s been a year. You know the pain when he is just around the area and he never paid you a visit? Should a 1 minute call be that expensive to show a person how much you care? Should “hi, can we talk because you deserve an explanation” make you less of a man?
All year round I was praying for such moment when he can make me fully understand what happened to us.
I used to think I will never give up on him, on us. But then maybe a minute call or a simple conversation is too much for a person who no longer cares. His friend told me he has completely moved on. It sucks because I haven’t. 2013 was a tough year for me. I have deprived myself from being happy because I was too busy torturing my heart and sabotaging my career for someone who would never love me back.
I cannot afford to lose another year for him. So now I declare - 2014 will be great! I want to be that girl who is confident, independent, free-spirited, driven, happy go lucky and who doesn’t give a damn to all men -that same girl before we become a couple. I will be that awesome girl again! Step by step. One at a time. I will be that girl!
Friday, May 17, 2013
One Last Try
I wanted to meet him. I insisted. He came.Yeah, he came.
But I saw the disgust in his eyes when he saw me.
I am no longer his special girl.
We didn't talk. He left immediately.
I asked his bestfriend if he could make ex change his mind about me.
So he told ex that I wasn't okay and was always crying.
No, ex did'nt text or check me.
My friend told me ex was completely okay.
He's with a girl I often tell ex he can't flirt with.
He often hang around with his friends.
He's okay, more than okay actually.
I asked again his bestfriend if there's a chance we will be back again.
He said NONE.
My sister told me she's going to show me something.
But it will surely hurt me.
I said NO.
Today I sent him the video I was supposed to give him on his birthday.
I have sent him my last straw.
My last attempt to win him back.
My last hope.
But I saw the disgust in his eyes when he saw me.
I am no longer his special girl.
We didn't talk. He left immediately.
I asked his bestfriend if he could make ex change his mind about me.
So he told ex that I wasn't okay and was always crying.
No, ex did'nt text or check me.
My friend told me ex was completely okay.
He's with a girl I often tell ex he can't flirt with.
He often hang around with his friends.
He's okay, more than okay actually.
I asked again his bestfriend if there's a chance we will be back again.
He said NONE.
My sister told me she's going to show me something.
But it will surely hurt me.
I said NO.
Today I sent him the video I was supposed to give him on his birthday.
I have sent him my last straw.
My last attempt to win him back.
My last hope.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Sagada
I used to believe this place is enchanted and whoever I bring with me here will be the “one”. I used to think it’s going to be HIM. Funny I went there without him in hope to even forget about him.
The trip was so much fun. I exchanged smile, nod and engage to some small chat to people I hardly knew. This isn’t me but it’s not yet too late to get a bit sociable I think.
Looking back, I couldn’t say I was able to completely forget about him as much as I wanted to, but there were 5 surprising things I have realized in Sagada:
1. I can pack my stuff and carry my own bag.
Good thing my officemates’ birthday gift was a bag organizer. It works wonders! When I would just throw my clothes off since I knew someone’s going to pick it up, this time I folded them neatly so it will be easier for me to pack when leaving.
And since there’s no one around to help me with my luggage, I carried them without ranting. Yeah it’s heavy, (the idea of packing light still puzzles me) but I can manage the weight on my back. I am stronger now.
2. I can nurse myself.
We trekked to Big Falls between rain showers and scorching heat. I wrapped myself with plastic bag to avoid getting wet and then remove them when mr. sun drains the sweat out of me. When we got back to our accommodation, I ensured I took medicine because I felt like am going to catch colds and fever.
The next day, we did spelunking and as expected I had my share of bruises and scratches. When I would just let the blood dripping until “he” cleans the wound, this time I ran to my first aid kit upon my return and attended to my personal emergency.
3. I love mountains.
Mountains for me are boring; beaches are cool! Just when I thought I would just sleep all the way there, I was actually wide awake enjoying the view while Katy Perry songs were played in background. The sunlight, the tress, never ending trees and shadows – everything was perfect!
4. Someone can still be concerned about me even if he is not my boyfriend.
I have known this person since we are 7 years old. But we never really became close. He used to have his own circle of friends and I have mine. We talk, yes but never the “buddy buddy type” up until I shared to him my failed fairy tale story (By the way, he is bf’s bestfriend and our supposed “best man”.).
Going back, he asked for the name of my companion going to Sagada. He called me just to check if I was doing okay. He even gave me the “ultimate kicking tip” if ever some guy advances while I am asleep.
Being acrophobic makes me shrug at the idea of trekking and spelunking. But I didn’t want to miss them too. Whenever my knees tremble from fear of heights, fear from sliding, fear from falling, I would call my new friend and he was always willing to give a hand. Upon our return from the falls, it was already dark, and I can’t seem to notice which one is the danger side, everything is pitch black… Stopping is also not an option. He held my hand tightly and calmed me when he feels am shaking. He also checked on me if I was feeling hungry or uncomfortable. He was really nice to me.
So there, I used to think being single means no one’s going to care for me anymore. These wonderful people made me think twice. Just glad I have them around.
5. I can have FUN!
Whenever I go to somewhere nice, I always wish bf was there too. I always feel incomplete whenever I don’t get to share wonderful stuff with him. But while I was there, I feel so free. No more wishing he was there, no more hoping he can see the things I see and experience the things I enjoy.
I am just happy I went there.
The trip was so much fun. I exchanged smile, nod and engage to some small chat to people I hardly knew. This isn’t me but it’s not yet too late to get a bit sociable I think.
Looking back, I couldn’t say I was able to completely forget about him as much as I wanted to, but there were 5 surprising things I have realized in Sagada:
1. I can pack my stuff and carry my own bag.
Good thing my officemates’ birthday gift was a bag organizer. It works wonders! When I would just throw my clothes off since I knew someone’s going to pick it up, this time I folded them neatly so it will be easier for me to pack when leaving.
And since there’s no one around to help me with my luggage, I carried them without ranting. Yeah it’s heavy, (the idea of packing light still puzzles me) but I can manage the weight on my back. I am stronger now.
2. I can nurse myself.
We trekked to Big Falls between rain showers and scorching heat. I wrapped myself with plastic bag to avoid getting wet and then remove them when mr. sun drains the sweat out of me. When we got back to our accommodation, I ensured I took medicine because I felt like am going to catch colds and fever.
The next day, we did spelunking and as expected I had my share of bruises and scratches. When I would just let the blood dripping until “he” cleans the wound, this time I ran to my first aid kit upon my return and attended to my personal emergency.
3. I love mountains.
Mountains for me are boring; beaches are cool! Just when I thought I would just sleep all the way there, I was actually wide awake enjoying the view while Katy Perry songs were played in background. The sunlight, the tress, never ending trees and shadows – everything was perfect!
4. Someone can still be concerned about me even if he is not my boyfriend.
I have known this person since we are 7 years old. But we never really became close. He used to have his own circle of friends and I have mine. We talk, yes but never the “buddy buddy type” up until I shared to him my failed fairy tale story (By the way, he is bf’s bestfriend and our supposed “best man”.).
Going back, he asked for the name of my companion going to Sagada. He called me just to check if I was doing okay. He even gave me the “ultimate kicking tip” if ever some guy advances while I am asleep.
Being acrophobic makes me shrug at the idea of trekking and spelunking. But I didn’t want to miss them too. Whenever my knees tremble from fear of heights, fear from sliding, fear from falling, I would call my new friend and he was always willing to give a hand. Upon our return from the falls, it was already dark, and I can’t seem to notice which one is the danger side, everything is pitch black… Stopping is also not an option. He held my hand tightly and calmed me when he feels am shaking. He also checked on me if I was feeling hungry or uncomfortable. He was really nice to me.
So there, I used to think being single means no one’s going to care for me anymore. These wonderful people made me think twice. Just glad I have them around.
5. I can have FUN!
Whenever I go to somewhere nice, I always wish bf was there too. I always feel incomplete whenever I don’t get to share wonderful stuff with him. But while I was there, I feel so free. No more wishing he was there, no more hoping he can see the things I see and experience the things I enjoy.
I am just happy I went there.
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