Moving On 101: The Day I Realized Fate was Never on our Side

I used to believe in destiny. I used to believe that God carefully arranged each one of us a beautiful love story, a fairy tale like no other. In his perfect timing, everything will just fall into place.

For me, ours is the most wonderful story. However looking back, I realized it isn't perfectly crafted. There were red flags along the way and I was too stubborn that I ignored them.

In 2006 or 2007, we were not yet "us". I actually turned you down then. We decided to meet up so could talk things over. You wanted to know the reason why I can't commit. Before seeing you, I asked for a sign that if you wear anything pink, I will say yes instead. You wore white polo shirt and blue jeans. I stick with my initial decision.

In March 23 of 2008, you offered to accompany me to Manila. I asked for the same sign. I have forgotten what you wore but it was not pink, not even a pink dot. But when you held my hand, I knew it is the perfect time to say yes. It felt good.

When you decided to re-model your house,you told me you needed to save. You would not be able to go to Manila as much as you wanted to. But before your project, you invited me for our biggest date ever. I was not sure I'll go with you so I asked for a sign. While having dinner at MOA, I prayed that if a nun walks passed me, then I would say No to you. Guess what, just a few minutes later, I saw not one, but 3 nuns walked and smiled at me. I still said yes to you.

The last time we met, I prayed that if you wore the pink couple shirt I gave you 2 Christmases ago, it was a sign that I can take you back. You wore white shirt.

All signs tell me we are not meant to be.

After our closure, you told me you are not going to text me anymore. But last Sunday, you asked me if we could meet up. But our schedule did not meet and no one wanted to make an adjustment.

To be honest, I wanted to see you. But I have to be firm because I have to take care of myself too.Im afraid the meet up will give me more harm than good. So I replied "Baka hindi na talaga meant na magkita tayo."

Last Thusday, my meetings were moved and suddenly it matched your schedule. I texted you, you did not reply. Later that night you said you left your phone at home.

The next day, I went home. I was already in the jeepney when you texted me where was I.

See? It was only a matter of few minutes between hopping on that jeepney and receiving your message. We really are not really meant to see each other. But aside from fate, I guess neither of us wanted to exert more effort. Perhaps, I am beginning to lose my grip and seeing you cannot make even the smallest difference.