"Little by Little" is my new mantra. Everytime I feel uneasy, I would say these words while clasping my heart.It makes me feel quite okay. It reminds me that "time" really takes time. I should never expect that the pain will just be gone over night. But I am getting better gradually. I am better than yesterday.
And there goes my night time cries for a week. I was so afraid of this day that I thought crying in advance would somehow lessen the pain. It didn't until yestermorning. I woke up, I could barely stand straight.I cannot fully shift my weight to my right foot.
Since I have a meeting with my philam agent, I managed to go to Makati. My agent is around 55 years old with a very motherly aura. When she asked if Im okay, I told her I wasn't. We talked for about 2 hours. She made me feel alright.She encouraged me to pray more and to ask God to take away the pain so I can start over again.
Back home, after crossng 1 underpass and 1 overpass, I was twisting in pain. My foor really hurts. I tried cold compress plus mefenamic tablet but those did not make me feel better.
Night time was more difficult. I barely slept. I was wide awake from 2 am until 6 am, then I realized that today's the day you are leaving. Today, my pain meter will reach the most dreadful 10 rating! I sent a text message to say my good bye. You replied "be safe, take care. Bye for now." My foot was throbbing and so was my heart that I could no longer distinguish what am I crying for.
I was rushed to emergency room and was injected with steroid. When I was released from the hospital after 2 hours, I made this mistake of checking facebook in my sister's phone. I saw your post which is something like "All my bags packed". Another bomb dropped to my heart. Betrayal, anger, hurt, rejection, self pity and other emotions I have never known just kept on exploding inside. The pain lasted for 1 hour.
This is it. My painscale of 10. Someone told me to look at the silverlining. While I am agonizing in pain, I noticed there is no more denial! You are not mine and will never be mine. We are now two diferrent people with different lives. We are two different people chasing different dreams.
The day you left is
the day my dreams are no longer true
the day my past is sealed to nothing
the day my heart learns to unlove you
And the day I let you go.
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