I totally miss him today more than ever. Yesterday was our supposed 5th anniversary. As usual, I was out the whole day trying to forget about everything. I tried to divert my attention. But today, I am tired of pretending I am okay. I am tired of putting an effort to get him out of my mind.
I just want to stay in bed and cry. Right now, it’s his face I want to see. It’s his voice I want to hear. I miss the days we would talk about our day, we would laugh about our craziness, we would inspire each other, we would dream together. If he’s going to tell me he wants me back right here, right now, without hesitation I will accept him.
Yeah, he is my greatest fan. He encourages me to believe in myself. He accepts me – warts, scars and all. He listens to my rants. He handles my tantrums. He laughs at my jokes. He supports my crazy ideas. He is my security blanket. He waits for me until I’m home. He is my human alarm clock. His morning text wakes me up. He calls me when I’m not yet online by 10:00 am on a weekday. He is my sleeping pill. His sweet words put me sound asleep. He is my travel buddy. He goes wherever I want to go.
Perfect isn’t he? It is true; I will never find someone like him. But if he doesn’t care about “us” anymore, I hope someone better is waiting for me.
Someone who makes me feel good about myself.
Someone who makes me feel I am irreplaceable.
Someone who loves to spend time with me.
Someone who holds my hand when in front of his friends.
Someone who is proud of me, as his girlfriend.
Someone who makes an effort to know my friends, but doesn’t flirt with them.
Someone who fights to be with me no matter what.
Someone who cares about what I feel.
Someone who never gives up on me.
Someone who says he loves me and truly means it.
If only I could turn back the time you are the person I have known 5 years ago - that person who is so afraid to lose me. But life doesn’t work like this. If only it does, surely there’s no one else in the world who could be happier more than I do.
If Only.
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