June: If tears can be sold, I will be a certified big time millionaire!
July: I agreed to meet him because he needs his bag. I was a fool to assume he misses me and getting the bag I borrowed from him was just an alibi to see me. Crazy me. He sent a few text messages though. However, if “Im really sorry” or “Can I see you and talk?” or “How can I make it up to you?” or “Let me explain” or “Lets work things out” were the messages I was hoping to receive, then everything else did not matter. I cannot press the Send button and pretend I am doing just fine.
August: Worked my ass out. The tiniest bit of time I could spare for myself was only spent dreaming/crying about him.
September: Went to Camiguin-Cagayan de Oro, Bukidnon and Iligan. Wondering if I remembered him before, during and after the trip - Big YES! Days before the trip, I even asked him if he wanted to come. Guess I am getting used to being rejected all the time.
At Mantigue Island, Camiguin
At Dahilayan Forest Park, Bukidnon
White Water Rafting, Cagayan de Oro
At Maria Cristina Falls, Iligan
October: Attended a wedding and felt crushed upon realizing it would never happen to me.
November: Texted him to remember rainday. He ignored it. I went to Boracay and was stranded due to typhoon Yolanda. Had fun but a part of me longs for a simple sms message from him checking if I am alright. Well, you know the answer.
January: No text for New Year. He greeted me a day before my birthday, not the day itself. I realized he did this not because he wanted to show he remembers, but only to ask how to get those airfare promos.
It’s been a year. You know the pain when he is just around the area and he never paid you a visit? Should a 1 minute call be that expensive to show a person how much you care? Should “hi, can we talk because you deserve an explanation” make you less of a man?
All year round I was praying for such moment when he can make me fully understand what happened to us.
I used to think I will never give up on him, on us. But then maybe a minute call or a simple conversation is too much for a person who no longer cares. His friend told me he has completely moved on. It sucks because I haven’t. 2013 was a tough year for me. I have deprived myself from being happy because I was too busy torturing my heart and sabotaging my career for someone who would never love me back.
I cannot afford to lose another year for him. So now I declare - 2014 will be great! I want to be that girl who is confident, independent, free-spirited, driven, happy go lucky and who doesn’t give a damn to all men -that same girl before we become a couple. I will be that awesome girl again! Step by step. One at a time. I will be that girl!
