My eyes are swollen. My heart is about to burst out of my chest. My head is pounding. My body is shaking. Oh yes, he did it again.
He is, (or should I say “was”) my first boyfriend. I call him “bf”. Bf is my highschool classmate. Currently, I work here in Manila while he works in the province. We see each other every other week. He is sweet, understanding and kind. He is God fearing and puts me in his priority. He is everything I waited for in 23 years. He is everything I prayed for. I always believe he is an answered prayer.
For 23 years, I curse the month of hearts. Things change when I learned this is also his birthday month.
Bf’s 24th birthday
In 2009, weekend before his birthday we decided to visit Antipolo Church. It was my first time there.
We had breakfast after mass and went back to Manila for lunch and a movie. So where is the surprise? During that time, my family doesn’t know yet that I have a boyfriend. Incidentally, my sister texted me while we were watching a movie. I lied to bf telling him my sister wants to meet me. I told him I will just show up.
After the movie, he doesn’t know that I actually rushed to a bakeshop and bought him a cake. I ran back to him and I noticed he was holding back tears. He was frustrated perhaps that we had to go hiding. He glanced into my direction and was astonished to see me smiling. I gave him the cake and hugged him.
It has been our bad habit to tell each other that we were not surprised, although deep inside, we really are. I teased him how his jaw dropped when he saw me holding a cake. As expected, he protested. I knew I surprised him. I also knew I need to tell my family about “us”. He was turning 24 then.
Bf’s 25th birthday
The following year, his birthday fell on a Friday. We usually chat in the office so there’s no way I can keep whatever I was up to a secret. To get away with his prying eyes, I told him I am on training and I couldn’t be online then.
So around 2:00 pm, I called him.
“Happy Birthday! I’m actually outside your building. Will you come and see me?”, I said.
“Are you serious, you were on training, right?” he replied.
Everything was perfect. He introduced me to his officemates. Before he took me home, I asked him I need to buy him a cake. That’s when he started to get mad at me.
I insisted because birthday surprise isn’t complete without a cake. I knew I was being stubborn. He never talked to me on our way home. He did bring me home but left the cake I bought for him. It felt like he slapped me on my face. I cried all night.
Bf’s 26th birthday
The third time around, I did not learn my lesson. I had the same surprise in mind. Unfortunately, I was running late and he already left his office to go home. I spilled the beans and told him I was on the way. He just waited for me in the mall. I bought him a cake first so he can’t say “no” this time. When I gave it to him, he returned me with a sharp look. My heart stopped beating for a second. Would he reject me again? I was at the verge of crying when he accepted it, shaking his head in submission.
Bf’s 27th birthday
Last year was different. The day before his birthday, we went to Pampanga to watch Hot Air Balloon Festival. On our way back home, I told him I need to rest the next day (his actual birthday) since we are on the road for almost 18 hours already. I would just see him around 4 pm before I go back to Manila.
On his big day, his sisters accompanied me to buy something for lunch. We sneaked inside the house and prepared the food while he was inside his room. We tiptoed to ensure we didn’t make a sound. Unfortunately, his phone rang. The three of us froze. I heard his footsteps towards the door to answer the call. I heard him turn the knob.
The table was still a total mess. My heart sank. My surprise wasn’t ready yet. Drinks were still inside the plastic bag, cake in the box, ice cream in the refrigerator, food not yet served. Her sister who was pumping balloons gazed at me. The other one ran off in confusion. Our eyes met.
I helplessly say “Surprise, happy birthday…”. He walked passed me and went outside to answer the call and talked to his friend who was now waiting outside their gate. I got a bit frustrated. I overheard his friend was inviting him to go somewhere.
Bf did not come with his friend. He went back to his room. I was quiet then. The three of us continued to set the table. He came out from his room in a few minutes and joined us finally. We ate together. It was wonderful. I wanted to believe I was successful but he would not just admit it to me.
Bf’s “supposed” 28th birthday surprise
This year, I want it to be extra special. He will be turning 28. Here’s the plan:
· Part 1: Weekend get-away before his birthday.
· Part 2: Surprise him on the day itself. I want to be the first person he will set his eyes upon. I will sneak to his room; wake him by my singing of happy birthday. He will blow his cake and we will eat breakfast together.
· Part 3: When I go back to the office, I will tag him with a video presentation of our trips together.
So where am I in the plan?
Last November, I bought a travel voucher somewhere North. He is completely aware of this part. We set it this coming February 8, 2013. We both filed for a Vacation Leave on this day.
I asked a friend to teach me how to create a video in windows movie maker. It was almost finished. The song, photos, title and caption were done. I only need to edit the slide transitions.
I also texted the bus line to check their earliest trip. To be in his room before he is up is crucial. Food to bring comes handy as there is a 24/7 fast food available anywhere.
But sadly, all of these will not push through anymore.
What happened? Last January 25, we had a fight. I did not text him. He did not text me. Two days after, I received a text the he was tired of me. He was saying goodbye. I caught him online last February 1 and he told me he wasn’t going with me to our vacation destination anymore. I asked him if we can talk. He never replied to me. He did not call that night. He did not show up the following weekend. Up to now, I haven’t heard anything from him. I saw in facebook’s news feed that he will attend a “Red Cross” activity on a Sunday- day after the supposed getaway.
Part of me wants him, misses him, and loves him. I still want to surprise him. There are still 5 days left before our out of town plan and 9 days to go before his birthday. Never mind Valentines.
But the other part of me hates him. I feel betrayed. I feel rejected. My efforts mean nothing to him.
Maybe in my next blog, it will be good news, maybe not. I do not know what is going to happen. But one thing’s for sure, I am keeping this blog.
